I dodged a bullet without knowing
A few days ago a blood draw showed that I had blast cells in my blood. About 4-5% concentration. This would mean that my Leukemia was not responding to chemotherapy and that the Leukemia was already returning to my system.
The doctor in his infinite wisdom did not tell me, since he knew I would grill him with questions that he did not have an answer to. Instead he told my wife and best friend. How they managed to keep it from me, I do not know. But in hindsight I am glad they did.
Since coming down with Leukemia I have firmly placed my analyst hat on and tried to become more knowledgeable about the disease that is trying like hell to kill me. I figure the more I learn, the more likely I am to have the knowledge and strength to kick its ass.
With the the preliminary tests showing positive for blast cells, I would have done my normal research and found out that in all sense, it would have meant disaster. I would have had to start immediately in a different round of chemo, and it would have dramatically impacted my likelihood of survival.
Yesterday the doctor came back in and to me that the results of the follow up flow cytometry test showed that I did not have blast cells, that it was a false positive likely due to my daily Neupogen shots. I’m thankful for his thoroughness, and his ability to understand his patient’s intellect. By keeping that small bit of information from me until he was positive, he kept me from sinking into a statistical hell of outcome statistics and graphs. Given my nearly Vulcan penchant for logic and reason, its likely that it would have dramatically impacted my spirits.
Everyone wants to beat cancer. Not everyone does. Hope is what keeps people fighting. Hope to be there for you wife. Hope to be there for your daughter. Hope that the you are on the right side of the coin flip when the final bell rings.
Thanks doc for not diminishing something so fragile in one as cynical as myself.
